You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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