i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
