I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
