We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
