Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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