how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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