I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
