Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I FOUND THE LEGS
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
