Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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