trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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