You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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