u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
