Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
