ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
