My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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