i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
