Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
