You're my little dorito
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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