obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I want a musical about memes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize