I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
