now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and i looked up. we had an audience...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
