He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
