Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
