I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
