I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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