just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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