Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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