Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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