remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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