im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
