The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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