his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
