I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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