what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
