ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
