The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
where are you?
Hypothermia
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize