i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
