There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
