When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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