Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
