well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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