i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
