remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
