How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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