And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize