there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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