oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
