someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
