and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
