He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize