I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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