I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize