There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
