I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
