I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize