So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
