Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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