I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
