Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
