i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
sex in a hospital.. check
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
