I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
