Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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