Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize