Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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