we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
