i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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