You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
