I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
