I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
